Random thoughts and musings of a single Mom striving to follow dreams and find pure BLISS.

New Project

It may not be the best idea in the world, but I've decided to reopen my personal can of worms and relive it. Why? Well, truthfully, because I don't think I really lived it while it was happening. I really did shut down and put on my best smile. Why? Well, because that is what I was always taught to do. Being overly emotional has always been a huge sign of weakness to my mom. She just doesn't tolerate it well. Anger is an acceptable emotion, but not really an other one. If you show a great amount of emotion people know what makes you tick and can therefore have control or power over you. No Good!

So, I'm going to branch out and not stick my toes in, but jump head first into treacherous waters of *gasp* messy emotions. I'm going to relive every single heart-wrenching moment for a series of epistles which chronicle the past year called Letters You Will Never Read. Now this project will probably never be published, but I think it will be a very cathartic work that will work out the residual muck I have lodged inside myself.

I feel it all rattling around inside and have decided it doesn't deserve to have me for a host. As my body shrinks, I need to make sure my self esteem increases in the same ratio or I will be forever trapped in my Divorced, Fat Girl Mentality. I'm just not going to live that way. Not anymore. Period.

So, I guess in short, I'm going to be bitchy and grouchy and touchy and sad and ill and probably quite unbearable for a few weeks-or as long as it takes me to finish it.

After that I'll decided what to do with it.


  1. Im behind you girl. I did the same thing...stopped took a time out and had me a little party of introspection (and retrospection).....reliving every moment of every thing that went wrong...where my culpability was in it...where his was....etc...I felt like I was more like hemmoraging all over again...emotions raw....spent...tired and weak.....but once I "cleansed'myself of it, a new day seemed a welcome sight..Im here if you want to bleed on me....

  2. I may take you up on that. I'm thinking you, me, my computer, and a bunch of alcohol.

  3. I hope you do it here so your friends can read and share your emotions... loveyou,,, do you need to come to the country to sit under a tree to do this?

  4. Good on you Jamie Girl! (((huggs)))


Questions, Comments, Concerns, Thoughts?