Happy Birthday Baby...

Today you are three.

I am overwhelemed by you every day, my sweet baby. Overwhelmed by your laugh and how you crinkle your nose like I do when you are being cute. 

How you make those facial expressions that are so me, but yet so you.  

How you are becoming a strong personality that I do worry will overpower me-until I remember how strong my personality is now that is.

How you amazingly decided to wear big girl panties just like we hadn't been trying to get you to go to the potty for months. You decided on youe own. So strong. So independant. So much of what I hope you continue to be.

But most of all, I am most overwhelmed when you are sleeping and I can still pretened you are my little baby...that I do not have to think about giving you up one day.

I am amazed at the little girl you have become and stand breatheless thinking of the person you will grow into.

I love you Cait! 

Thoughts and Things

Ya know, I was trying to remember this time last year and it seems so long ago, so far removed from who I am and where I am, that I absolutely do not remember. I know I was moving, but I can't remember what I did for New Year's Eve or anything. Well, not true...I remember thinking it was the first New Year's day in YEARS that I didn't cry at all; however, other than that, I got nothing. Do you know what I'm doing this year?


This year I'm hanging out with my bestie D on the Eve and spending New Year's Day afternoon with MAT, my beautiful, sweet, sexy, Colombian soccer player. Now that's a weekend to remember.


Now, I will pause here and tell you all that I'm more nervous about this particular date than I was about the first one because it will be date number 3...and we all know what happens on date number 3... I get dumped soon after. sigh.  However, I'm trying to be optimistic by looking at things that caused the big D before that are very different with sweet MAT:

• He is not afraid of my children. now this is pretty funny because a guy friend of mine giggled when I said the last few guys were "afraid of my children" and replied, "Don't they realize they are still small; I mean, I'm pretty sure they could take 'em." However, because MAT has a son and plays the role of single Dad at least half the week, he is totally at ease with the idea of my kiddies. In fact, he always asks about them and remembers little things I've said about them. It's pretty cool to share anecdotes about our children when we talk. It's just another thing that makes him sweet. Plus, let's all be honest, the whole Good Daddy thing is super hot!
• He is never "too busy" or at least seemingly so. For example, he checked on our progress home from Atlanta yesterday on several different occasions, just to make sure we were still safe. Today he texed me on a break and when I didn't reply her popped on FB just to say "hi" and see how my day was going. There were times with the other fellas I dated that it seemed almost a bother to send the "made it home safe" text. He just always seems happy to hear from me. Call me crazy, but I appreciate that. I guess what seemed "needy" to white guys is normal to Latin men.
• I think I am also a bit different with him. I have been uncharacteristically and bluntly honest about everything on my mind since the first time we met and began emailing because I didn't think he'd ever actually ask me out. True story, never thought it was a possibility. Why? Well, experience had taught me that 2 kids are at least one, but probably 2 more than more guys can handle. Plus, he's younger than me, not crazy younger than me, but three years that would be significant for most people. (He's only 30.) And then there's the whole thing with him being all beautiful and sexy and stuff. Yep, didn't think we'd get to a first date let alone a third. Nothing really to lose by begin yourself if you don't think it's going to happen anyway.

We are still trying to decide what exactly we will do on Saturday, but he did say that "us being together and seeing each other is what is important."

Whoa! Shall we all swoon together?

So...next topic of randomness...I need new hair. Ok, so not actually NEW hair, just something done to mine to give it a bit of something. It's kinda blah and I don't feel like being blah.

I'm definitely thinking layers and bangs. (I must admit to feeling a bit of tightness at the idea of doing that because my first thought was, "Omg, I wonder if MAT would hate it." What? I'm a freaking girl OK; so, there will be times when I actually act all girly. I AM going to do it anyway.)

I think that's all the randomness I can spill, but I'm sure there will be something later...

Bags Galore: A Virtual Party

My sister, who is the Princess of shopping with MJ being the Queen of all things shopping, never ceases to amaze me. I swear every time I talk to her or go visit her I am introduced to yet another product or store that I cannot live without.

Seriously! She introduced me to Swatch watches and  Guess jeans when I was a kid and took me into my first Old Navy when I was in college. I guess begin older than me and living in the big ATL has some serious advantages.  

So once again, my sister has shown me a new line of bags that I want in every style and every color. Thirty-One Gifts....

Ahhh, I wish I were rich instead of cute... (hee hee)

Anyway, you guys should all hope on over to Thirty-One Gifts and take a look because I just KNOW that someone in your lives would kill to have an insulated lunch bag, make-up bag, tote, or any one of the other wonderful bags available. I mean, what girl does NOT love bags!! (I know I do and for that matter, so does my Cait.)

In fact.... my lovely sister is having a virtual party at Thirty-One Gifts. Anyone who orders $31 worth of these fabulous bags will receive a gift of a hard case wallet. Plus, almost all of them can be skipped directly to you or the person in your life who LOVES bags by Christmas! Great deal, huh?! (especially for those of you who hate to get out in the hustle and bustle of the shopping crowds. You know who you are!)

I not only encourage you guys to shop under her PARTY I really, really want you guys to.

Spread the word to your friends and family members. Seriously, it's a win-win. You guys get a fabulous bag and wallet and my sis gets a  few goodies for herself. (She's known to spread the love around to yours truly, AKA, her favorite sister.) 

Check it out and enjoy shopping!!

Big Smiles

Can I say that I all but swooned on this gem I received today....

Can't stay on line but just wanted to say that I am thinking about you. Have a great day!

 

I swear, just about the time I think I'm totally imagining the whole thing and there's no way he could really like me I get something like this from him...and then, of course, I get all silly and smiley. I'm such a damn girl.  

Advice

One of the blogs I follow posts a brilliant question that instantly resonated with me, "What advice would you give your 15 year old self?"

Wow, Julie Musil you just totally rocked my world with that!! You say, just for fun and mention to not wear high waisted jeans or maybe not turning down Bill Gates at the prom, but I'm afraid mine may be a bit more serious than that...just maybe.

Let's see...at 15 I was a 9th grader at Colmer Jr. High. Remarkably, it was actually a good year for me and I do not remember very many things that cloud up that year for me. However, I did begin a pattern that year that would significantly infect the next 15ish years of my life...I passed on "crushes" I had out of pure fear and never took the chance, the leap of faith, to see what would happen.

Now, don't get me wrong, I don't regret anything because, good or bad, I am the person I am because of my collective life experience, but I can't help but wonder what life would have been like had I ever believed I was worth the chance. I was good enough for myself and the world. Would my crushes still have been my crushes? Would my boyfriends still have been my boyfriends?  Would my choices still have been my choices?

Good question...

However, I think I might take that chance.

I'd tell that 15 year old me to look into the mirror and see that the world sees, not what I believe I see. That I am truly beautiful and worthy of love, beauty, trust, and love. That I have talents that have hardly been tapped, but I need to cultivate and promote those talents-not to hide from them or be ashamed of them. And most certainly not be so self conscious of myself that I would wait years to ever show anyone a piece of writing and still feel inept. 

Of course this begs another question...how to you ensure a 15 year old has self esteem? I ask because I know I didn't, but I hope and pray to every Deity I can possible think of that I am able to ensure Caitlin has more than her share.  (Tristan too, but it is mainly a girl issue, especially since she looks like me but acts like my sister and mother. I am just at a loss about what to do with her as she gets older.)

If anyone has tips or ideas on how to keep a healthy self image in girls as they grow up I'd love to hear them because I fear failing her every day. I fear looking to her eyes as a teenager and seeing myself radiating back so strongly that I know exactly what she will do or say next. I'm not sure how I will react to ever see the pain emanating from her the way I always felt mine did. Of course, I guessing it really didn't since no one ever noticed it.

So far, I make sure I tell her daily...

How much I love her (because I do),
How smart she is (because she is),
How pretty and beautiful she is (even though I feel a bit vain saying it since she really does look like me),
How funny she is (because she is a total goof-ball),
How talented she is (She's a dancer, for real, y'all!),
How proud I am of her when she does anything.
And how much I love her...with lots of kisses and cuddles.

Truthfully, that's all I really know to do. I'm sure I will ask for advice man more times as she grows because this issue has plagued me since the day I found out I was having a girl. (Imagine being elated and then terrified in tandem.) How can I help her become the person she is supposed to be?

Girl's Night Out

I get to have a night out tonight with friends!! I'm so excited I can't stand it. Actually it's the second time in a month I'm gotten one and I'm overwelmed by the awesomeness(is that a word? Hum, it is now!) of my parents. (Thanks Mom and Dad!) Although tonight will be WAY more low key than last Saturday, I can tell it will be an amazing amount of fun-plus, I don't need another night out that makes me 2 days to recover from again for a while. *sigh*) Thinking of all the poor Girl's Night Outless Ladies out there iv'e decided to complie a list of ways to know just when you might need one.

Do you know you need a Girl's Night Out? (Non-Mom)
1. Spike has become your favorite channel.
2. Thought about watching Family Jewels just to get a shot of Shannon Tweed's boobs.
3. The senetence "no one actually needs more than 3 pairs of shoes anyway" has exited your lips.
4. Burping and passing gas has become funny.

Do you know you need a Girl's Night Out? (Mom)

1. You know the theme song for more than 4 cartoons-plus all the characters.
2. Discussions about poop are more common thatn discussions about the lastest gossip.
3. You can't remember watching something that isn't animated, even when the kids are in bed.
4. Your kids are better dressed then you.
5. The idea of shopping and NOT buying something for the kids fills you with guilt and confusion-what do you buy if you don't buy for the kids?

Seriously, ladies, if you experience ANY of those symptoms, please seek out your closest girl-friend and immediatly make plans for an evening away from anything that isn't directly related to things that are pretty, sparkly, and girly.

Trust me on this...I know what I'm talking about.