leaks, drains, and gushes

Most days I easily locate the positivity leak and plug it up before any seeps out. Hell, there are even days where I have no leaks at all and I'm just a ray of fucking sunshine all damn day...

Not today. Today, by the time I realized I was loosing  joy the damn opened and the entire allotment I had been saving up over days of hording each precious drop drained from my body. It didn't even pool at my feet so I could possibly soak so of it back up. Nope, it just disappeared. I really hate days like today.

On these days, I seem to have nothing go right and my mood is already SO subterranean that I engage in bouts of self-flagellation. Why make another day bad. Let's just push all the shit that will make me feel bad all into one lousy fucking day. Does it make me feel better? Well, no, but sometimes feeling pain is better than feeling nothing at all...