While I was married I didn't think too much about how the title Mom effected that of Woman because I was just Mom. Well, truth be told, I was barely that because it was made very clear what a terrible mom I was, but I wasn't actually seen as a woman anymore either. I never had to figure out whether those two sides of myself should be seperated or combined. Who will win out in the end-Jamie or Mommy?
That is behind me and now I'm thinking about it because I find myself conflicted. As a woman, I do not want to be alone forever. I want to meet someone, fall in love, and try to live happily ever after-take two. I mean, at the end of the day, I am still young and a girl's got needs. No matter how many hugs and cuddles I get from my children, I miss having a man's arms hold me. No mater how many ksses and "I love you's" I get from them, I can't help but want them from elsewhere too. However, I'm afraid it's a selfish want/need/desire.
However, as a mom, I do not want to short change my children while trying to be Jamie. The whole dating thing would take time away from my babies. Is it worth that? And even if it is, will finding someone really be all it's cracked up to be? I mean, not all men are going to be like my Dad and just right in to raise children as they were his own. In fact, my biggest fear is I will love someone who isn't the best for my kids. I don't want them to have a "step father," I want them to have a Dad, especially since the chances of them never seeing their real "doner" is very unlikely. They deserve that. What is a perfect father for them is someone that doesn't necessarily "light my candle"? Do I strive for their happiness or my own. Or should I just ignore my own desires and purely focus my energy on them and their lives?
In 2010, I do not need a man to raise a family and have a full life. My children will be as well off or better without any other man in their live other than my Dad and their Uncle Bran. If I had to make the decision of their happiness or mine I would chose theirs without question, but is that what I have to do now? Can I be both Jamie and Mommy at the same time? If so, how?
*sigh* I got nothing...well, I do have a headache now.
Life Travels to Fast, Enjoy it!
1 year ago
As impossible as it seems, there ARE men out there who can be both your knight in shining armor AND a great dad to your kids. I admit that I don't know many, but I do know some and there are more out there without a doubt. I have seen friends in your exact situation who had the same concerns, and they are happily married now to wonderful men who are wonderful fathers too. "Do not be anxious for anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God." Philippians 4:6
ReplyDeleteYou can be both Jamie and Mommy.. Just as a wife needs to be a wife and a mommy. Balance is key. Be choosey (that spelling just doesn't look right!) in the men that you date.. Be very careful! My sister, Ashley will tell you, that you can have both.. she found her prince charming not long after her divorce was final.. Keep your head held high and press on.. just remember.. your past is your past and it DOESN'T define you!
ReplyDeleteyes is the answer...
ReplyDeletehugs and love you...