Ugh, Why Me?!?!

I almost died today while getting ready for Church.

I do not lie, perhaps I exaggerate, but I do not lie. 

While washing my face to reapply a fresh face for public consumption, leaned into the mirror to check my brows, which badly need plucking btw, and noticed the most horrific thing EVER!!! 

I have lines around my eyes.

The last time I really looked I only had a few little slight things fluttering straight off of the corner of my eyes. Not a big deal. They were hardly noticeable unless I smiled and then they were only a vague badge that showed how often I've smiled in my life. Not a deal!

Today I saw terrible, horrible, grotesque caverns that not only settled into my skin straight from my eyes, but they also traveled SOUTH from my eyes. Holfyfuckingshit, people! What is that about!!!????!!!!

I'm serious, the only thing that has been different in the past few months is my weight loss... 

OMFG!!! Is nature telling me that as I lose weight I will find myself amazingly disfigured by wrinkles???

What's that shit about? Is weight loss that important?

Should I keep the weight just so I don't become the Crypt Keeper?

Oh, someone help me?! I need to go to Walmart TO-NIGHT and buy some serious wrinkle cream!!! Heaven help me...I really am too vain to have anything so horrible around my favorite feature. *sigh* 

Perhaps I just waited too long to lose weight and I really will just find that I will have more and more and more as I shrink...OMG, I really DO look like the people I talk about that look old for my age.

Alas...Karma begins to kick my ass....