Random thoughts and musings of a single Mom striving to follow dreams and find pure BLISS.

Wanting What You Don't Have

I am so pissed off right now I almost can't see straight. For real; I'm not kidding. Oh, you guys will be too, just as son as I tell you the latest in the fucked up saga that surrounds anything to do with ex's fucked up family. AAAAKKKK!!!!!

Anyway, just a bit of background....

whathisname's "father" left his mom when he was around 10ish and had no actual relationship with him. Zero. Nada. Nothing. I was the one who encouraged the ex to get back in touch with the "father" because I thought it was a good idea. I'm not sure anymore.

The "father" lives maybe 20 minutes from my house. 20. Two-Zero. Twenty. That's it. Has that man, or his wife (Note-not the ex's mom) darkened the door of my home? Nope. They came to Cait's birthday party and to Tristan's birthday party. No phone calls. No cards. Nothing.

Well, perhaps not nothing...occasionally I get a message on FB from the "stepmom"-written in all caps-which I begrudgingly answer because it is usually heavy with guilt trip sauce...and I don't tolerate guilt trip shit from MJ so why would I tolorate it from someone else? I mean really people.

Anyway, I got a box via the US postal service today from, guess who...that's write. It was from them. The box is full of Christmas presents for the kids.

That's right, FF, those assholes could not even be bothered to drive 20 fucking minutes to come see my children and hand them their gifts in person. Nope, they mailed them.

Did I mention they live 20 minutes away?

Did I also mention that ex's Mom lives further away and drives to my house almost every time she is off work to come visit the kids? She usually only gets one day off a week, and she spends at least a few hours of it with those babies because they are important to her. Because of that, anytime we are anywhere near where she works we stop by and visit for a few minutes. I make an effort because SHE makes an effort.

If she isn't able to come by for a couple of weeks, she calls for a general update. Ok, so most of the time it's after she's around a 6 pack in so it's a short, but interesting conversation, but she tries.

What do I get from the others? Not a goshdamn thing. Actually, damn near less than that even.

Do they expect me to drive to their house, while they sit in their recliners, chain smoking in front of my children? Umm, yeah, NO! If my children are SOO important you can make an effort, therefore I will make an effort.

Now, I should know better because they never came to our house when we were married, so why us not being married anymore should make things any different, but...dammit! It just pisses me the fuck off.

And you know what, I bet they talk about me like I'm dog-shit because I do not go over there and visit with them. Once again, I bring up the smoke the billows out of the house when they open the door. Every time we took the kids as babies they cried the entire time and ended up with a cold because of the smoke. Plus, I have nothing-nothing-nothing-NOTHING in common with either one of those people, except the kids. I'm not all about a social call. I'm not about a "let's catch up". I don't really know them and from whe I can tell they don't really want to know anything about my kids.

Pop says to let it go and to not worry about them becasue the kids have plenty of grandparents. And I know I should, but it just gets in my crawl that those people are treating my babies like second class citizens that aren't worth thier time enough to come visit.

I know how that feels. I've been treated like that by MJ's mother since I was 11. (Don't ask, I still do not know what an 11yr old does to become oustrasized by her own grandmother. However, suffice to say neither me or my sister are, were, or ever will be the "Golden Grandchildren" that she gives two shits about.) And I didin't have anohter grandmother to pick up the slack. I was just grandparentless and I always felt like there was a huge, gaping hole in my soul where something should have been and wasn't. The idea that this person genetically bonded to me disliked me to such a degree that I didn't matter to them. I don't want the kids to feel that way. To feel slighted. My parents (along with ex's mom and my brother-in-laws parents) will defintely take up any slack, but I'm afraid as they get bigger they will always earn for that thing they will never get-just as I always have. The acceptance and love of those people who could fucking care less.

I mean, tell me a single person who would not just love these faces so much they wouldn't want to see them as much as possible....

Pops's right (as usual), screw kids ROCK!!


  1. I think of grandfathers taking their grandkids fishing and watching ballgames and going to get ice cream. Then I think of Cullen and probably feel the same way you do about grandparents of my own. For me it is motivation to be a good grandmother (when the times comes, which I hope is a WHILE) that I can be.

    Your kids do rock. It's totally their loss. Set the presents outside and let the smoke clear out of them for a couple of days and then just stick them under the tree nonchalantly and don't make an ordeal out of it. The kids will probably never know (or care) where they came from.


    I love you Jamie Girl.

  2. To clarify - Their loss - as in the deadbeat grandparents.

  3. I think I'm with your Dad on this one hon. It's nothing to get super pissed off about. Especially since you don't really care for them. But it is indeed an extremely douchey thing of them to do.

  4. I understand, Jamie. I haven't had any grandparents, either. None on my dad's side, and on my mom's side, a step-grandmother who swindled everything she could from my family so that we didn't receive any of my grandfather's money or possessions. She stole thousands and thousands of dollars from us, along with all of my mom's childhood furniture and possessions from her mother. Gone. Sold. Nothing left.

    The thing is, you just can't worry about it. Just take what they give you and go on. You just have to make sure you are the best parent you can be. They don't need grandparents, especially if they act like that!

    I'm sorry this is all happening to you. You certainly don't deserve it:) I would just ignore them and enjoy your holidays with those who genuinely care:)

  5. Sunnie, I feel the same way you do. Whenever I become a grandmother I will so the best damn one ever!!

    Thanks guys, I know I will have a wonderful holiday with my babies and not think about "them" at all. :)


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