The Field Trip That Wasn't

Today was supposed to be Tristan's first ever real field trip. He was supposed to go to the aquarium in New Orleans and the IMax with the entire school.(In truth, I was nervous about him going because I felt he was a bit too young to go on a field trip so far away fromhome, but I didn't want my nervous nature to keep him from doing things with his class. I had an even worse feeling about it when I woke up to rain, but was determined to still let him go. It's only fair, right?!) Did he go? No. Why? Umm, let me tell you...

It was a pretty good morning, despite the fact that it was dark and rainy and we had to leave the house about the time we are usually getting dressed for school. However, I'm a stickler for being on time, so by God, we were early.

I pulled under the overhang to let T out of the car and was met by two of the older kid's teachers. I thought they were the "car greeters" this morning, but I was wrong.

"Are you going with us today?'
"No, sorry, I can't" (I was going to go until my aunt went into the hospital again and I had no one to keep Cait, but it's not like I had to explain myself to a teacher who's name I don't even know. Right?)
"You need to."
I looked at this woman expecting to see something in her face that told me how fun it would be or how special it is to experience the first field trip and once again, I was wrong.

Suddenly both teachers began to go into how T having "one of his tantrums" would just ruin the whole trip for everyone and describing each interacting they have ever had with T that was negative.

T instantly had THAT look on his face-I know it well. Being a little Leo (and yes, as a matter of fact, it does matter, I was raised by 2 damn Leos.) he cannot deal with embarrassment at all. And boy was he embarrassed. So was I. I mean, I was being told how terrible my son was.

Well, public embarrassment and those teachers standing right in front of him, blocking the entrance to the building, and mommy being totally ineffectual and not wanting to be the "not MY child" parent (I know how he is, but he's only 4, for God's sake) I caved and did exactly what they seemed to want  me to do. I put my child back in the car, as he was just starting to melt down, and drove home. No field trip for T today.

I am hurt, angry, embarrassed, and sad that my child seems to be so thoroughly discussed in a negative way among the teachers (they were continuing to bitch about him while I was talking to T; I have really good "teacher" hearing) and that I haven't been as apprised of the situation as thoroughly (his teacher is always so positive and just "it was a bad day" when he doesn't get a green face). Don't get me wrong, I know how my child is. Seriously. He can be obstinate, but he's also extremely loving and loads of fun when handled the correct way. (And let me just say here that, as a teacher, I recognize a teachers who talk AT students instead of TO students. Just saying.)

So, we are at home today, curled up on the couch, both licking our respective wounds from this morning. I have to concentrate on not takign my hurt out on him and just teachign him that he must always be respectful and obedient, even when he may not want to be. I think Mommy should learn how not to be those things when she doesn't have to be.

I will probably never get over the fact that I cried over this today. I will never get over the fact that T cried over this today. I will never got over the fact that T and I were both mad eto feel badly amount him being a hard headed 4 year old, who does have a abandonment and trust issues...damn, people, who wouldn't have them if they'd lead his little life.

T? Oh, he's sharing his breafast (part 2) with his little sister and isn't bothered about not going on the field trip anymore. He may mention it a little later, but it's far from his mind now. Hell, he doesn't even begrudge me for not letting him go.

I sure wish I could forgive and forget like a 4 year old...