Random thoughts and musings of a single Mom striving to follow dreams and find pure BLISS.

Interests and Dealbreakers

So, I started composing this in my head last night while driving home from Hattiesburg, home from my date with LC. I thought about how my life has changed evolved over the past decade. As a young 22 year old (I'm NOT 33 yet, people) I had a definitely LIST of what I wanted in a guy. Let me just tell you that this list was long, detailed, and definitely specific. Now, I was no different from any of my friends or any other girls I knew because we ALL had lists, but I had no idea where the LIST would lead-eventual disaster. Yep, the ex embodied the list. He met pretty much every singe requirement, even "Must be able to recite Shakespeare" and I thought I must be the luckiest girl ever. Now, when the world blew up on me I began to readjust my perspective. As I healed up I decided that the list did me wrong or maybe I just did the list wrong. Yeah, I did the list wrong.  Instead of concentrating on a list of random attributes I should have thought about things that would make life happier.

This being said, I have developed The Dealbreakers. There are not very many, but they are concrete, unchangable, and nonnegotiable.

1-Addictionless. I will never again subject myself to dealing with alcoholism or any other additction that takes away from me or my family.
2-Must love my babies and be willing to be an "instant dad" because my children have no other, and barely remember the "donor". (In fact, Cait doesn't at all. She thinks my dad is her dad.) 

Yep, that's it. No Shakespeare. No physical features. No specific personality traits. Just no addicts and love my babies. Why? Those are the things that are super important to me and were the issues that caused strife in my life and my former marriage.

That being said, I bet you guys want me to just get on with the discussion of my date yesterday. Well, it went a little something like this...

By the time I got to Hattiesburg, I really was thinking I'd have to pull over to throw up. I mean, I was chewing a piece of gum (Hey, I drank a lot of coffee during class, don't judge) and even my little piece of Big Red was making me gag. Yep, it was pretty bad. Thankfully, just being in the Burg relaxes me, so that's a big plus. I also found out a very significant thing about myself yesterday; I feel compelled to constantly reapply mascara when nervous.Ii think I had on at least 6 layers and the details of my eyelashes could be seen for at least a mile. Just saying.

Anyway, he arrived just before me and my first thought was, "Holy shit he's tall. Ooo I don't think I've ever seen a guys truck that clean in my life." (Don't you guys just love my inner monologue?! Such an insite to my random-ass psyche.) Since he was there first there was no final hair fluff or lipstick check (SO glad I reapplied at the last stop light) so I just got out of the car, took a deep breath, and walked over to him. I was right...he is seriously tall. Seriously, I had too look up at him and didn't even come up to his shoulder. (I realize that I'm pretty short at 5'3", but he's like 6'1". More about that later.)

I won't bore anyone with the details like he has really pretty eyes (A blue/grey that have an inner and outer ring of darker blue) that never left my face, even though I had on a V neck top. He might have peaked when my head was turned, but I never noticed. Call me crazy, but that's a sign of a polite and very disciplined guy.

I referred to him above as a guy, but actually, guy is the wrong word for him.  He's a man. A grown man. And as scary as that sounds to me, it was nice to be in the company of someone who was totally comfortable with himself and his life. He is every bit of who I saw yesterday and that was so new and relaxing.

I had a great time. I found myself smiling at the strangest moments-like the whole time. We laughed the entire time. When we sat next to one another it was toally natural for him to put his arm around me to play with my hair. I was every bit of who I naturally am-my opinions, my thoughts, my mannerisms, my voice where I would normally feel as though I should shift or alter myself to present the "best face" (see earlier post She's Shifty for examples). He held my hand it felt as though it had always been there. He even continued to pay attention to me as he had to take a work call; we all know I'm a sucker for attention.

I felt important. But most importantly...

I never felt anxious, which you guys know is almost crazy talk. In fact, it continued on the way home because I had no wild, nervous energy to work off or think out. I simply drove home and spoke to him occasionally as he checked up on me at random intervals.

He texted me this morning to tell me he had a great time and I was "awesome", plus making usre I'd had a nice time. 

I'd say it a good sign....

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