Random thoughts and musings of a single Mom striving to follow dreams and find pure BLISS.

My Baby isn't a Baby Anymore

When I found out I was having a girl all I could think about was whether I really was the best person to raise a girl. I mean, I couldn't think of one moment in my life that I'd want my daughter-to-be to emulate. I had (and never really ever had) self esteem. I was so miserable in my marriage that I had to be medicated, and still couldn't figure out a way out. I had a good education, but didn't think I could ever take care of my kids on my own. How could I raise a strong girl when I was so weak?

I've learned the depths of my strength in the past year and have finally deemed myself worthy of raising my Caitlin. Now, I'm getting healthy, losing weight, happy (still medicated though, but it's ok), and confident that not only can I take care of my kids-I can do it while following my dreams and being fully myself.

I've always joked that Cait is exactly what I would have been as a kid if I had ever had self esteem. I'm determined that will never be something she lacks (or Tristan too, but his blog will happen on his birthday). She has a good heart and I'd rather her be feisty and slightly conceded with a good heart, than a mealy-mouth doormat with a good heart. , however, that doesn't stop her from playing in the dirt or wrestling with her brother.

Let's see...why do I love my baby-girl?
  • She knows she is pretty and special!
  • Her toes are painted once a week-almost by demand.
  • She has at least 10-15 pairs of shoes. (yep, I passed on the "sickness" of shoe addiction)
  • It is impossible to count the number of hair bobs or outfits she has. (Nanny's fault)
  • She prefers her nails long and cries if all the white is cut off.
  • She knows exactly how to get her way with Poppa and Nanny.
  • She definitely knows her own mind and has NO problem telling anyone who will listen what she thinks or what she wants.
  • She is fiercely independent.
  • She does nothing half way-fits, dancing, sleeping, fighting with her brother, etc..
  • She loves to go shopping, but would probably rather go outside and play in the dirt.
  • She looks just like me as a kid, except she has those dark chocolate  brown eyes instead of my blue ones.
  • She gives hugs and kisses at HER schedule and not just whenever. She doesn't give anything away at request...her love is earned or sometime bribed with food.
  • The more she changes and grows the more I understand and accept myself. (I can't talk and think terribly about myself and then say she's just like me right good, trust me.)
  • She is both prissy and tomboyish at the same time. You'd think that was hard to do, but she manages it so effortlessly...
  • She seems to have a crush on Diego, which means we seem to have similar tastes in guys. lol
  • I think she knows as much Chinese and Spanish as she does English thanks to Nick cartoons.
  •  She's a cuddler, just like Mommy.
  • Wooo, when she gets mad, she gets MAD!
I could go on forever with my list because I love, love my Caiti-Belle! She's totally as much princess as she wants to be at any particular time and I think that is awesome. I truly believe that we get to chose our parents and I'm proud that she chose me out of all other potential Moms. I strive every day to be worthy of her and show her how to become the strong, beautiful, talented, and amazing woman I know she is destined to become.

Love you, baby-girl!!

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