Like Totally Crushing.

I think I have a crush! Now, it’s a harmless little thing that will never go anywhere-basically because the guy doesn’t know and never will- but I’m enjoying the excited bubbly feeling I get when I chat with him or he posts to my FB status. Why? Well, cause I’m a girl. I like the idea of being in like or in love. In fact, I’d have to say if I let down all of my guards I am a complete and extremely hopeless romantic. Even though my fairy tale imploded I still believe it’s possible to find another-that my terrible marriage was just the trials that all princesses must endure to find their true love.

Cinderella had the wicked stepmother and stepsisters.

Aurora had the long sleep.

Snow White had a stepmother and a long sleep.

I had Joe.

I think that’s about even.

Now you may ask, “Jamie, how exactly can you find it in yourself to still believe in happy endings and fairy tales?” Truthfully, I don’t know. I’m either crazy or just glutton for punishment, maybe I’m naive. Who knows? All I really know is that I will try again.

Hummm, maybe it’s just my competitive nature to not lose that’s making me want to find love again. I WILL win against all odds. And why not? I'm smart, relativly cute, funny, educated, fun, not to mention responsible and occasionally practical...surely I'm destined for great things?! Plus, I gotta say, I've NEVER met a Mom that didn't LOVE me!

Almost as an aside I must make a confession…I began writing this last night and when I awoke this morning I experienced the most terrifying, gut-wrenching, out of control combination of fear and anger directed towards the idea of love. It washed over me and called me “stupid” for even considering someone who could love me. How could I trust after barely living through the ultimate betrayal? How was someone going to fall in love with me when my husband hadn't even loved me or at least loved me enough to forsake all others? What in the name of hell was I thinking?

And then…the nice guy chatted with me and made me smile.

Maybe I’m just completely insane?!