That's What I Said.

Because I love the rawness and hilarity of her words, Pretty All True is one of the first blogs I read in the morning. In fact, I get a notification on my toolbar when a new post is published and I instantly click on it. (Although I have learned to look for the warning labels she is kind enough to place at the top of a post in case the kids are running around.)

Today's post was, like most of her posts, honest and raw, but this one had a different twist. This one hinted at a much darker time than she normally shares. It tasted of sadness and regret and I rolled it across my tonuge until I was sure to have sucked the marrow from it. Her mother admitted to never knowing what she endured at the hands of her father and a string in my soul was plucked and stretched farther than it has been in a while.

Not in sadness, you understand. No, in complete understanding. Below you will read my comment to her post and her reply. (You will so understand why I love this woman and totally want to be her friend in the most serious and non-stalker way possible.)

Jamie: I read the words of your mother and I hear my own voice-my voice from over a year ago, before I left my ex-husband. The guilt I had for taking my children’s father from them was overwhelming and suffocating at the time and I almost caved because how could I be so selfish to put my personal happiness above that of my children’s. I’ve been where your mother was.


It wasn’t until months later when my son’s nightmares finally stopped that I realized my ex was the “bad” guy in every single nightmare he’d had since he could tell me what happened in his dreams. (My daughter had just turned a year old and my son was almost three when I left.) He still gets shy around men he doesn’t know. Sigh. Now I tend to chastise myself for not seeing the world as it was before I finally worked up the courage to leave-when I was still a coward who thought she was lower than shit. I’ve been where you mom was.


Now my children are 2 and 4 and our happiness knows no bounds, or screaming, or harsh words, or icy glares and silences. To borrow a phrase from you…we are all kinds of awesome now.


Kris: I have no adequate words for what you have shared here.

Know that I love and respect my mother.


And I am happy she is not there now.


And I am happy that you are not there now.


And that instead you are all kinds of awesome now.


I am all teary.


Love you.

Confidence?!

My last post earned a few comments that left me reeling.

I was complimented on my confidence. Can you believe that shit?! Me? Confident? For real?

I have to say that is not a description that has everevereverever  been used to describe me in any way, shape, form, or capacity. Seriously.

Of course then I had to read my post again and I discovered the damnedest thing...I did sound confident. Whoa....so then I had to think back over my day and I discovered that at no point in my day did I feel negative in anyway about myself. I didn't hide and shy away from people one time. In fact, I even found myself giving and getting smiles in return-and from cute men too.

That's when it struck me...holy shit, I AM confident. Huh, ain't that some shit. 


I wonder when that happened?!

Well, I guess it all started when I was no longer bombarded with messages that I was shit.  Then, there is the whole elimination of everyone and everything that made me feel badly about myself.

Definitely a move in a positive direction, wouldn't you say?

Well, I've also dropped some weight and quite a few inches. I'm nowhere near my "goal" by a long shot, but I have to say that I am really enjoying the shape and dimension of my body. There's a definite hourglass effect happening and it makes me feel very sexy. (SHOCKSHOCK)  At this point I could even care less if anyone else sees it or even appriciates it because I like it.

Get the fuck out...there's that whole confidence thing again.

hahahahahawoooooooooooooooohooooooooooooooohahahahahahahahahahah...
that's fucking cool as shit, guys. check me and my (slowly, but continuiously shrinking) ass out!

I am confident.

I am happy.

I am finally comfortable with me.


Well, at least for today; tomorrow might be another story, but I'll cross that bridge when I get there. But what a cool bridge for me to have to cross!!

Totally Mom Sexy-and Not a Size 2

 As you guys may or may not know, I am a blog stalker. It's true. The voyeuristic glimpses into someone else's life that make me know I'm not a total freak of nature is the panacea of my heart and soul. Seriously! It really does make me feel better to know there are more like me out there...Buahaha!

Anyway, one of my favorite's is having her one year blogaversary and I'm too excited to help her out with a bit of a post in celebration of this momentous occasion. Why? Well, because the Mommyologist is hilarious, totally fun, and someone I would SO be friends with in real life and not just cyberspace. I mean, you guys all know how much a I love a person who is real and doesn't embellish their thoughts and feelings. I don't so why should you?

Anyway, The mommyologist is all about bringing the Sexy Mom Back-regardless of what you "feel" you have become...You HAVE to read her inspiration for this post (click on link above)...all will be explained there. Trust me!!
Out of all the options to declare myself a sexy mom I chose, "I will never ever be a size 2, but I’m still Mom Sexy" because let's face it, Umm, I really will never be a size 2. Why? Well, let's just look at the many reasons that size 2 is pretty much unattainable....

1. I'm pretty such my basic bone structure is larger than a size 2; in fact, it probably closer to a 6, but then I'd just be a skeleton with skin stretched over it. I seriously DO have a large bone structure (I've taken all the "tests" that determine it, ok people. I know these things), especially for someone who is only 5'3".

2. There is no one in my family that is, ever has been, or ever will be a size 2. (Again the whole bone structure thing, ya know.)

3. I like to eat. Crunch, slurp, chew, sip, bite, savor, or roll...I do love to do it all.

4. I like food. there are sooo many yummy things in the world that I just cannot think of a single reason why I'd want to prevent myself from eating most of them in order to squeeze myself into a size that looks as if only fits small children and "little people".

5. Taking inspiration from #4, I do not think size 2 really exists. Seriously. Have you ever held up a size 2? I seriously think they are just misplaced toddler sizes. Who wears that shit? Is anyone that size in real life...and that mystical fairly-land called "celebrity" does not count because anyone who gets paid to work out, has a tummy tuck along with their  Csection, or appears nude to millions of people on a regular basis is just NOT a real person. Sorry.

Now, how in the hell does any of that make me a sexy mom you ask? Because I am real. I'm a curvy bundle of pure happy that gets cuter when I get angry, or so I'm told pretty often.  I am a natural (bottle hair color not the issue here people) and attainable entity that gives living and breathing affection and love.

I do not worry so much about clothing size and potential rolls that I cannot appreciate the feel of hands on my waist or tummy when circled from behind. Not only am I a naturally touchy-feely person, but I am remembering how much I crave touch. My grouchy moods are caused when trying to be "hands off" with the world. A hand, a hug, or the briefest graze of a finger tip is all I need to keep smiling and moving in a positive direction.

I'm a giver, a spoiler, a motivator, a nurturer, a hugger, a snuggler, and a damn fine cook.  What's not to find amazingly sexy? Oh, and although I can't tell a joke to save my soul, I am seriously effing funny. Seriously!

Truthfully, everything that makes me who I am makes me a sexy mom...and it also all the things that make a size 2 completely unnecessary.

I really have nothing to say today because it's a really good day. LC had to work today, but he did send a very sweet text. 


"Thinking about you!"  



 (Excuse me while I giggle like a fourteen year old girl right now...{blush})

That's all I got for today. 

Well, that and my smile.  

Big Smiles

Can I say that I all but swooned on this gem I received today....

Can't stay on line but just wanted to say that I am thinking about you. Have a great day!

 

I swear, just about the time I think I'm totally imagining the whole thing and there's no way he could really like me I get something like this from him...and then, of course, I get all silly and smiley. I'm such a damn girl.  

Happiness Recipe a'la Blake

Because I am a huge, phenomenal dork, I randomly search for cool quotes to use for my FaceBook statuses. I figure that everyone can only hear about my love of wine, the potty train status of my children, or the general progress of my day for so long before they just reaaaally don't giveafuck...plus, there are times when I just bored myself. I mean, I look at the things I've written and all I can think is, "Damn you are one sad, no-life having, super boring broad, aren'tcha McCarty? Wow!"

Hence the quotes that try to explain my random moods much more eloquently than I am able to do on the fly. (Ok, so if I tried I probably could, but it's FB people. Do I really need to put that much thought into it?)

The William Blake quote I found today may actually stay up for a while because it instantly made my mind begin to spin with ideas and possibilities...

The essentials to happiness are something to love, something to do, and something to hope for.

After thinking about it I think I'll make a list of each, almost list a list of blessings, except this is more like a recipe for Blake's  Happiness....(I do SO love a list)

Something to Love? My children. My family. My friends. My job(s). Coffee. Sparkly anything. Fresh flowers. The sound of my babies' laughter. Cuddling, kisses, and hugs. Daydreaming. Getting texts that make me smile. Sunsets. (I probably love Sunrises too, but I'm not a fan or being awake for them.) Jangly bracelets. Cooking meals that happily fill tummies. Singing in the car. Hearing my kids sing. The size of my clothes slowly decrease. Bright colors. Toile.  

Something to Do? Attempt sewing. Teach (sometimes) willing minds. Cause spontaneous smiles to erupt from those around me when I smile. Make jokes. Play outside with my kids.  Wander voyeuristicly around FaceBook. Read almost everything I can get my hands on-whenever possible. Avoid unpleasantness, maybe a bit too much. Work on my WIP. Daydream. Search for my place in the world. Work towards my dreams. make the clothing size decrease more quickly.

Something to Hope For? Winning the mystery Publisher's Clearinghouse Sweepstakes, like they swear I will. Looking into the future and not feeling a cool line of fear slide down my spine. Text messages that make me smile. The day my 3 person family lives on our own. Finishing my WIP. Finding an agent. Finding my own little place in the world. Sailing on a Disney cruise. Traveling far and wide. Making my daydreams a reality. My kids to have a dad. Remarrying. My clothes being in single digits.

While I'm sure my lists will shrink and swell with each passing day and moment, but as of right now...that's all I got...And from the look of it, I got quite alot to be happy about.   

What's y'all's recipe?

Halloween Goodies

So, My wonderful friend over at Cerebral Lunchbox put together this fab little blogfest for us little guys and I am overwhelmingly happy to be apart of it for three important reasons...


1- She and I are similar souls (otherwise known as rather recovering teachers who'd much rather write)


2-I gotta be honest...I'm not against the idea of having more members of the FF to listen to me ramble and occasionally bitch. Just saying...


3-This post is all about Halloween and I lovelovelovelove Halloween!!!

Anyway...on with the show...

Halloween creates a special kind of nostalgia for me because as a kid we had our own kind of tradition of eating pizza and of my Pop stealing testing the good candy. 


(Yes, I've tried to recreate with my own kids...however, they are just now old enough to "get" the whole idea of Halloween and tradition. Ok, at 2 and 4 they don't get tradition, but the do understand consistency and it's almost the same thing. Don't judge..I'm working on it. And I like candy. What? They are too little to need all that sugar...share the love I say. )


The main trouble here is this post is supposed to be about Halloween specials from when TV used to be something other than medical dramas and cop shows. (NOT hating on cop shows, mind you. Personally, I can't live without NCIS or perhaps I can and just dont' want to..MmmmMark Harmon. Oops Sorry.)

Other than Your the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown, I have absolutely no memory of any Halloween specials or shows....except this one.

Yep, Teen Witch. (insert jeering, finger pointing, and gnashing of teeth here)


I admit it...I watched it every year. Umm, I think I watched it last year too, but last year is a kind of blur so I can't be sure. For those unfamiliar with his cinematic jewel, it is about the girl pictured above, please take a few minutes of of your life and peruse the trailer...it's freaking classic.



 Louise, is is indeed a teen and finds out on her 16th birthday that she is a witch. Now she's been a total dork up to this point in life and finds herself suddenly popular because, well, she's a witch people..she casts a spell.

Yes, it is a typical, teenage angst, findingyourtruepathandfriends, feel-good, MESSAGE laden Disney movie that only the 80's could supply. (Think Sixteen Candles Disney-fied) However, for a girl that has always felt socially awkward, the idea of begin able to have that much control over the world and people sounds fabulous. I mean, who wouldn't want to cast a spell and suddenly be and have everything you ever wanted. Hummm, that STILL sounds like a good plan. 

My choice of spell pretty obvious...If you've read this blog at all, you totally know what I would cast mine for....





I wonder...what would YOU guys want to cast a spell for in your own lives?