Living in Paradise

So last week I made the first portion of "the move" this past weekend.

It has been a week and I can safely say that I have never felt more relaxed, or at least I don't remember a time when I was more relax and comfy. I really tought there would be a big adjustment period or that perhaps he would change his mind after living with us.

As it turns out, he is even more amazing than I knew. Because of his calm nature and the fact he is a phenom Dad, my kids are sleeping in their beds each night without complaint AND taking naps each afternoon. (Who are these kids and where did mine go. I don't really want them back, I just want to keep tabs on the little critters.)

There have been so many times when I have fought bursting into tears. Not because I'm sad, but because I can't believe I am so lucky. My kids are curling up with him and calling him Daddy (or Popi thanks to Dora) and his son is calling me Mom. Just thinking about them all running around on the pitch running and kicking the soccer ball around brings tears to my eyes right now. It's so natural and so amazing...there are no words, guys. There just aren't.

Anyway, I have to admit that it's going so well, the dark part of my brain has begun to try to sabotage me. At night, as this beautiful man is cuddled up next to me, holding my hand in his sleep, it begins to whisper, "Are you kidding me? How can this man, who is so sweet and patient and caring (not to mention hawt!) actually be in love with you? Do you remember being married to the "good enough"guy that decided that sex with other people was perfectly ok? What are you thinking girl?!"

Now I am lucky enough to be able to discuss this with people who can smack the darkness out of my head and then there is the lightness I feel when I tell MAT my fears. Having gone through a nasty break up with D's mom he understands, but there is something about being Colombian that makes me take things in stride and not dwell on the darkness in life. Ok, it might be genetic, but I still think it might be cultural.

I am determined to take each day and appreciate the hell out of it. 

Happy Birthday Baby...

Today you are three.

I am overwhelemed by you every day, my sweet baby. Overwhelmed by your laugh and how you crinkle your nose like I do when you are being cute. 

How you make those facial expressions that are so me, but yet so you.  

How you are becoming a strong personality that I do worry will overpower me-until I remember how strong my personality is now that is.

How you amazingly decided to wear big girl panties just like we hadn't been trying to get you to go to the potty for months. You decided on youe own. So strong. So independant. So much of what I hope you continue to be.

But most of all, I am most overwhelmed when you are sleeping and I can still pretened you are my little baby...that I do not have to think about giving you up one day.

I am amazed at the little girl you have become and stand breatheless thinking of the person you will grow into.

I love you Cait! 

Announcements

First of all...Cait has gone the entire day without an accident. I'm so proud...and I'm glad to save money by not buying pull ups or diapers. 

especially since I got a "we can't ask you back because we don't have any money" letter today. 

In the middle of a class. 

In the middle of the day. 

Delivered by the secretary. 

Yeah, I was pretty well bummed until my wonderful Marco reminded me that everything will be fine because we will make sure it is. Oh and I was also reminded to breathe. 



I must admit to still being a bit "grrrr" until I realized that it was a sign from God that the decision I have recently made was the correct one and I am supposed to pack my bags and leave MS for good. 

What's my decision you ask? 




Sure you wanna know?




I'm getting married everyone. 


It's true. July 16th we will be married in a super small ceremony at a little bed and breakfast in Alabama. Only immediate family will be in attendance (and his mom and grandmother will also be flying in for it!) and it will be just perfect. 

However, if any of you want to send wedding gifts or money, please feel free.   :)    

I'd like to say I'm kidding, but I'm really not. I never look gifts in the mouth....ok, more about getting married later. I think I'll take a nap.  

Mi Amorcito

When I first saw this man back in October, I remember thinking that there was no way in hell he'd ever be actually interested in me. Just no damn way, people.  He's almost three years younger with three percent body fat and totally yummy. (I mean the accent alone, guys!) What in hell can I offer this man?!?!

Obviously a lot as it turns out because he has chosen me. Shut the Front DooR!!!

And better than that...he is all about me begin as girly as I absolutely want to be. In fact, he encourages me to get my nails done. I asked him if he thought it was a stupid expense and he replied, "Are you going to get them redone every 3 days?"

"Well, no; that's just silly."

"Then there is nothing wrong with you needing to get your nails done. It makes you feel good."

Sorry girls, he's all mine.

He is encouraging my weight loss and reminding me to eat (he used to check that I ate breakfast every day until it became a habit), but not because I'm big; because, "The kids and I need you around a long time, baby." I must say it's easy to eat well around him because he eats so well. Fruit, vegetables, rice, protien, smoothies...he likes good fod, but it isn't a NEED for him. Food fuels his body; it's not something he lives for.

Hummm...What a novel concept.

Actually, he asked me what I thought the other day because he was afraid he is getting too skinny. I told him that I would fatten him up soon enough with some good Southern cooking, but I wouldn't change a single thing about him. I have seriously never thought hip bones were sexy on a man until recently. Wow. Really.

Anyhoooooooo....

I feel myself blossoming under his light. I can remember once liking the feeling of being girly and feminine, but I stopped because it became passe'. I love the feeling of wearing dresses and feeling pretty...and I do. Where a majority of my life I always felt my weight (regardless of what I weighed) and felt awkward in pretty clothes because I didn't think I was pretty enough to wear pretty clothes.

For some reason I thought that pretty clothes highlighted my lack of pretty by drawing attention to myself instead of helping me become prettier. I know I'm not crazy and other people have felt the same way...right?

Now, as I stand beside him, I feel like the most beautiful girl in the room. Seriously. I do not notice who is prettier or skinnier or has a cuter outfit; I just focus on us and how good I feel around him. It's like the huge mountain of uncertainty disapears and I can finally relax into my skin. I have more fun. I smile more. I laugh more. I stress less. I fidget less. (This is HUGE in itself!) And all of these things are felt both with and without kids. I am as relaxed with all 3 kids as I am with just us 2. He just lets me be me and really loves it.

My cousin commented months ago that it was true love becasue I said I felt skinny around him. It's true. I do. I'm am never self conscious of my weight around him and when I've said I could wear something I've seen in a store window he has just looked at me oddly and said, "Why?" Like the fact that I'm probably around 70 pounds overweight has never really occured to him.

God, I love that Latin men like women with meat on their bones. Because while I may never lose all of this 70 pounds (even though I'm really trying and it's decreasing sssslllowllllyyyyyyy), he will still think I'm just as beautiful at a smaller size as he does right now. I mean...I'm going to get nothing but better!

Hell, I may be freaking impossible to live with by the time I lose a bit more weight. 


For example, I bought a dress on a whim. I thought it was pretty, but I would have NEVER even attempted to wear at any other time in my life...even when I was in college! But I bought this cute, lilac colored, strapless dress with ruffled tiers. (see below)

 I wore it out the other night with a little black shrug and wedge heels with black flowers onteh strapes and his eyes bugged out of his head. "Baby, this dress this dress!!! You look georgous!! Where did you get this dress!"

Don't ask me what anyone else was wearing that night. And don't bother asking his what anyone else was wearing because he proudly held onto me the entire night. I felt like a queen. I fetl like no one has ever made me feel before...I felt like my Pop finally wasn't full of total shit for the past 33 years...I felt beautiful.

Holy shit...I guess I am beautiful after all.  :)

Slacker City (A Rewind Post from Feb)

So, I realize that I have not posted anything for so long that I'm betting everyone not immediately related to me might that thought I was either dead or had just fallen off of the planet. No such luck, my FF.  :)


Actually, I was pretty sick all last week and was without the energy to do much of anything. But inspite of feeling all sinusey and yuk, both weekends attached to that week were absolutly, amazingly, undeniable wonderful. Seriously!


Hummmm, where to start? Umm, maybe the beginning, right? Ok, at the beginning.


The kids and I met my beautiful Colombian and his cutie pie son at the Explorium in Mobile for a day of fun and bugs. It was blissfully wonderful. We all played and checked out bugs and bodies. The kids played in the special "kiddie" area and he and I talked and held hands.  (Ok, there was a bit of kissing and hugging going on too, but it was entirely appropriate. And even if it hadn't been I'd like someone to tell me to keep my hands off that man; he is too Delicious. Just saying. Thankfully, he seems to have the same problem with me too. )  Anyway, the only bad part of the whole day was actually not having enough time with one another. I just hate to have to get in the car and drive in the opposite direction of that man. I really do.


At one point during the day, I ended up with D in my arms (because he TOTALLY reached for me) and MAT ended up holding Cait. So, I pose the question? What is sexier than watching him do the whole great day thing with his own baby? Doing it with mine, people. Ah, Dios mio.


As he kissed me goodbye (whoa baby! talk about Dios Mio!), I began to wonder what Valentine's would be like. Actually, let's be real for a minute, folks, I started wondering what it would be like to not have to drive away. Yep, that's right people, I was dis-tract-ed all the way home.


To read his chats (Yes, we gchat randomly throughout the work day, what?! Like you don't.) you'd think I was the most amazing woman in the entire world. I am constantly showered with words like: beautiful, sweet, wonderful, perfect, gorgeous, etc, etc, etc...

Just a bit late

So, my first "blogaversary" has come and gone with absolutely no fanfare because, to be honest, I forgot. Oops!

I know that I have been absent for a very long time, but there has been SO much to tell that I had no way to actually tell any of you what is happening. Why?

Because I was afraid it would slip through my fingers before I actually had time to wrap my brain around it all. 

I reread my first post and I'm amazed at the changes that have happened in just one year. http://jamieccouncil-findingbliss.blogspot.com/2010/03/once-upon-time-there-was-little-girl.html

The biggest changes?

ONE: I'm happy. I'm happy when I wake up. I'm happy when I go to sleep. I'm happy when I have to fuss at my kids for not being "good listeners", which happens WAY too often. I'm happy every time in between. In fact, I can't remember the last time I cried and coming from a place where I cried at least once every single day for about two years (one before the fateful "event" and one year after) that is pretty freaking amazing.

TWO: I have fallen totally, completely, amazingly, stupidly, and fabulously in love. Yep. You heard it here. And even more than that, I can absolutely put my finger on the exact moment I knew it. I'll write more about that later, but let's just say it's pretty schmoopy and disgusting. :)  

But... I love him. My kids love him. I love his son. My kids love his son. He loves my kids. And most importantly, he loves me. It's amazing! It also makes me realize how wrong I was for settling for anything less than what this is and what this feels like.  Euphoria. Heaven. Breathing. I can't imagine what life is like without hearing his voice each day, without getting little notes and texts from him at random times, without feeling his arms around me when I finally see him. 

He doesn't create my happiness; he enhances my happiness by listening, supporting, and understanding (or at least trying to) everything I am. he doesn't want me to be anything differently than exactly what and who I am. Hell, guys, he even thinks my damn freckles are beautiful. What's not to freaking love?!

So what's next? Doesn't even matter because he and I will be together when it happens. He wants to marry me...and I can't think of a better way to spend the next 50 years of my life than staring into the eyes and cuddling into the arms of my beautiful Colombian soccer player.

unimpressed

Never underestimate people being strangely butt-hurt and pissy when you are suddenly not at their beck and fuckin call...even though they were never at yours.

However, I will not let my feelings continue to be hurt. I. will live unapologetically the way I feel I should live.

Isn't it odd when people seem to feel they have some sort of hold on you that they neither should have nor were asked to have. Sigh....people are crazy.

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