Not So Much

I really have nothing to talk about. I just wanted to say "hi" to everyone. I have been working on:

• getting papers graded 
• getting Christmas gifts made
• getting gifts wrapped
• figuring out when and where to go on a date with a new guy
• finishing my Christmas shopping
• losing more weight

See, my life is so hum-drum and boring. But I'm trying to live the hell out of each day!!!

Ugh, Why Me?!?!

I almost died today while getting ready for Church.

I do not lie, perhaps I exaggerate, but I do not lie. 

While washing my face to reapply a fresh face for public consumption, leaned into the mirror to check my brows, which badly need plucking btw, and noticed the most horrific thing EVER!!! 

I have lines around my eyes.

The last time I really looked I only had a few little slight things fluttering straight off of the corner of my eyes. Not a big deal. They were hardly noticeable unless I smiled and then they were only a vague badge that showed how often I've smiled in my life. Not a deal!

Today I saw terrible, horrible, grotesque caverns that not only settled into my skin straight from my eyes, but they also traveled SOUTH from my eyes. Holfyfuckingshit, people! What is that about!!!????!!!!

I'm serious, the only thing that has been different in the past few months is my weight loss... 

OMFG!!! Is nature telling me that as I lose weight I will find myself amazingly disfigured by wrinkles???

What's that shit about? Is weight loss that important?

Should I keep the weight just so I don't become the Crypt Keeper?

Oh, someone help me?! I need to go to Walmart TO-NIGHT and buy some serious wrinkle cream!!! Heaven help me...I really am too vain to have anything so horrible around my favorite feature. *sigh* 

Perhaps I just waited too long to lose weight and I really will just find that I will have more and more and more as I shrink...OMG, I really DO look like the people I talk about that look old for my age.

Alas...Karma begins to kick my ass....

Fall on the MS Gulf Coast

Ok, for those who may not know, I live here...

Actually, if you look closely you can see Pascagoula on the far right. Yep, that's where I was born, raised, and currently live.

Not really by choice, but that's another story.

Just because I don't want to live here doesn't mean it isn't a fabulous place to live...it just holds too many questionable memories that I will never be able to release while I'm still here. But I'm trying...and in the meantime, I'm enjoying the hell out of fall. It's my favorite season!!!

Anyway, I'm joining  Mama Kat this week to show all of you just what Fall is like here on the MS Gulf Coast. Despite the oil spill and hurricane troubles that have plagued us the past few years,  (Please notice here that regardless of what the media has said about Katrina hitting New Orleans, it actually hit here. Seriously, I was here. I saw it. Just saying...) we really are still in business down here - And pretty nice to boot.

Wanna see what it's like?

Jealous yet?

You see, fall is when the humidity finally falls into single digits (if you have curly hair this place probably isn't for you.) and the temperature falls into the double digits. it might even get down to a blustery 50 or 40 degrees in December.

How about our mixture of evergreens and actual changing leaves...

or imagine your morning run like this...

You hate me don't you?

Because it doesn't really get cold, we are the south the birds flock to...even with choppy waters.

However, I have to say that this is my favorite...



It's the perfect mixture of woods and water, which is exactly what we are all about down here.



A Man Down

I guess I should have put a disclaimer on yesterday's post because I lost a follower. Oops.

Just to let you guys know, I stand by every thing I said, including the multiple "fucks" because, honestly, it's my blog and I can write any damn thing I choose. those that are sticking by me...thanks for accepting who I am, even when I'm crass and vulgar.

Just saying.

Wanting What You Don't Have

I am so pissed off right now I almost can't see straight. For real; I'm not kidding. Oh, you guys will be too, just as son as I tell you the latest in the fucked up saga that surrounds anything to do with ex's fucked up family. AAAAKKKK!!!!!

Anyway, just a bit of background....

whathisname's "father" left his mom when he was around 10ish and had no actual relationship with him. Zero. Nada. Nothing. I was the one who encouraged the ex to get back in touch with the "father" because I thought it was a good idea. I'm not sure anymore.

The "father" lives maybe 20 minutes from my house. 20. Two-Zero. Twenty. That's it. Has that man, or his wife (Note-not the ex's mom) darkened the door of my home? Nope. They came to Cait's birthday party and to Tristan's birthday party. No phone calls. No cards. Nothing.

Well, perhaps not nothing...occasionally I get a message on FB from the "stepmom"-written in all caps-which I begrudgingly answer because it is usually heavy with guilt trip sauce...and I don't tolerate guilt trip shit from MJ so why would I tolorate it from someone else? I mean really people.

Anyway, I got a box via the US postal service today from, guess who...that's write. It was from them. The box is full of Christmas presents for the kids.

That's right, FF, those assholes could not even be bothered to drive 20 fucking minutes to come see my children and hand them their gifts in person. Nope, they mailed them.

Did I mention they live 20 minutes away?

Did I also mention that ex's Mom lives further away and drives to my house almost every time she is off work to come visit the kids? She usually only gets one day off a week, and she spends at least a few hours of it with those babies because they are important to her. Because of that, anytime we are anywhere near where she works we stop by and visit for a few minutes. I make an effort because SHE makes an effort.

If she isn't able to come by for a couple of weeks, she calls for a general update. Ok, so most of the time it's after she's around a 6 pack in so it's a short, but interesting conversation, but she tries.

What do I get from the others? Not a goshdamn thing. Actually, damn near less than that even.

Do they expect me to drive to their house, while they sit in their recliners, chain smoking in front of my children? Umm, yeah, NO! If my children are SOO important you can make an effort, therefore I will make an effort.

Now, I should know better because they never came to our house when we were married, so why us not being married anymore should make things any different, but...dammit! It just pisses me the fuck off.

And you know what, I bet they talk about me like I'm dog-shit because I do not go over there and visit with them. Once again, I bring up the smoke the billows out of the house when they open the door. Every time we took the kids as babies they cried the entire time and ended up with a cold because of the smoke. Plus, I have nothing-nothing-nothing-NOTHING in common with either one of those people, except the kids. I'm not all about a social call. I'm not about a "let's catch up". I don't really know them and from whe I can tell they don't really want to know anything about my kids.

Pop says to let it go and to not worry about them becasue the kids have plenty of grandparents. And I know I should, but it just gets in my crawl that those people are treating my babies like second class citizens that aren't worth thier time enough to come visit.

I know how that feels. I've been treated like that by MJ's mother since I was 11. (Don't ask, I still do not know what an 11yr old does to become oustrasized by her own grandmother. However, suffice to say neither me or my sister are, were, or ever will be the "Golden Grandchildren" that she gives two shits about.) And I didin't have anohter grandmother to pick up the slack. I was just grandparentless and I always felt like there was a huge, gaping hole in my soul where something should have been and wasn't. The idea that this person genetically bonded to me disliked me to such a degree that I didn't matter to them. I don't want the kids to feel that way. To feel slighted. My parents (along with ex's mom and my brother-in-laws parents) will defintely take up any slack, but I'm afraid as they get bigger they will always earn for that thing they will never get-just as I always have. The acceptance and love of those people who could fucking care less.

I mean, tell me a single person who would not just love these faces so much they wouldn't want to see them as much as possible....

Pops's right (as usual), screw them..my kids ROCK!!

Bags Galore: A Virtual Party

My sister, who is the Princess of shopping with MJ being the Queen of all things shopping, never ceases to amaze me. I swear every time I talk to her or go visit her I am introduced to yet another product or store that I cannot live without.

Seriously! She introduced me to Swatch watches and  Guess jeans when I was a kid and took me into my first Old Navy when I was in college. I guess begin older than me and living in the big ATL has some serious advantages.  

So once again, my sister has shown me a new line of bags that I want in every style and every color. Thirty-One Gifts....

Ahhh, I wish I were rich instead of cute... (hee hee)

Anyway, you guys should all hope on over to Thirty-One Gifts and take a look because I just KNOW that someone in your lives would kill to have an insulated lunch bag, make-up bag, tote, or any one of the other wonderful bags available. I mean, what girl does NOT love bags!! (I know I do and for that matter, so does my Cait.)

In fact.... my lovely sister is having a virtual party at Thirty-One Gifts. Anyone who orders $31 worth of these fabulous bags will receive a gift of a hard case wallet. Plus, almost all of them can be skipped directly to you or the person in your life who LOVES bags by Christmas! Great deal, huh?! (especially for those of you who hate to get out in the hustle and bustle of the shopping crowds. You know who you are!)

I not only encourage you guys to shop under her PARTY I really, really want you guys to.

Spread the word to your friends and family members. Seriously, it's a win-win. You guys get a fabulous bag and wallet and my sis gets a  few goodies for herself. (She's known to spread the love around to yours truly, AKA, her favorite sister.) 

Check it out and enjoy shopping!!

Sticking it to the BBC

Accordingg to the BBC,  most people will have read only 6 of the 100 books listed here. I'd just like to say that not only have I read more, but I'm an American who's read more than 6.

Ha, so THERE!


Stick that is your pipe and smoke it!

Anyway, see how you guys measure up so we can all prove them wrong...

• Copy this list.


• Bold those books you’ve read in their entirety.


• Italicize the ones you started but didn’t finish or read only an excerpt.



1.Pride and Prejudice – Jane Austen


2.The Lord of the Rings – JRR Tolkien (I know, flog me for this NOT being in bold.)


3.Jane Eyre – Charlotte Bronte


4.Harry Potter series – JK Rowling


5.To Kill a Mockingbird – Harper Lee


6.The Bible When I went from Baptist to Catholic, I read to find all of the passages and books that I hadn't seen up to age 12. For those wo do not know there are differences...Oh yeah. Ole King James and his people took out a bunch of stuff.)


7.Wuthering Heights – Emily Bronte


8.Nineteen Eighty Four – George Orwell (FAV!!)


9.His Dark Materials – Philip Pullman


10.Great Expectations – Charles Dickens


11.Little Women – Louisa M Alcott*


12.Tess of the D’Urbervilles – Thomas Hardy


13.Catch 22 – Joseph Heller ( I was 14 and didn't get it. Sue for not getting back around to it yet.)


14.Complete Works of Shakespeare


15.Rebecca – Daphne Du Maurier


16.The Hobbit – JRR Tolkien


17.Birdsong – Sebastian Faulk


18.Catcher in the Rye – JD Salinger


19.The Time Traveler’s Wife – Audrey Niffenegger


20.Middlemarch – George Eliot


21.Gone With The Wind – Margaret Mitchell


22.The Great Gatsby – F Scott Fitzgerald


23.War and Peace – Leo Tolstoy


24.The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy – Douglas Adams


25.Brideshead Revisited – Evelyn Waugh


26.Crime and Punishment – Fyodor Dostoyevsky


27.Grapes of Wrath – John Steinbeck


28.Alice in Wonderland – Lewis Carroll


29.The Wind in the Willows – Kenneth Grahame


30.Anna Karenina – Leo Tolstoy (It's on my Kindle awaiting me.)


31.David Copperfield – Charles Dickens*


32.Chronicles of Narnia – CS Lewis (Yep, another reason to beat me.)


33.Emma -Jane Austen


34.Persuasion – Jane Austen


35.The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe – CS Lewis


36.The Kite Runner – Khaled Hosseini


37.Captain Corelli’s Mandolin – Louis De Bernieres


38.Memoirs of a Geisha – Arthur Golden


39.Winnie the Pooh – A.A. Milne


40.Animal Farm – George Orwell


41.The Da Vinci Code – Dan Brown


42.One Hundred Years of Solitude – Gabriel Garcia Marquez


43.A Prayer for Owen Meaney – John Irving


44.The Woman in White – Wilkie Collins


45.Anne of Green Gables – LM Montgomery


46.Far From The Madding Crowd – Thomas Hardy


47.The Handmaid’s Tale – Margaret Atwood


48.Lord of the Flies – William Golding


49.Atonement – Ian McEwan


50.Life of Pi – Yann Martel


51.Dune – Frank Herbert


52.Cold Comfort Farm – Stella Gibbons


53.Sense and Sensibility – Jane Austen


54.A Suitable Boy – Vikram Seth


55.The Shadow of the Wind – Carlos Ruiz Zafon


56.A Tale Of Two Cities – Charles Dickens


57.Brave New World – Aldous Huxley


58.The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time – Mark Haddon


59.Love In The Time Of Cholera – Gabriel Garcia Marquez


60.Of Mice and Men – John Steinbeck


61.Lolita – Vladimir Nabokov (Waiting for me on my Kindle.)


62.The Secret History – Donna Tartt


63.The Lovely Bones – Alice Sebold


64.Count of Monte Cristo – Alexandre Dumas (Can I add that I read it in French for extra credit.)


65.On The Road – Jack Kerouac


66.Jude the Obscure – Thomas Hardy


67.Bridget Jones’s Diary – Helen Fielding


68.Midnight’s Children – Salman Rushdie


69.Moby Dick – Herman Melville


70.Oliver Twist – Charles Dickens


71.Dracula – Bram Stoker


72.The Secret Garden – Frances Hodgson Burnett


73.Notes From A Small Island – Bill Bryson


74.Ulysses – James Joyce (Don't feel the need to ever finish this one. Really.)


75.The Inferno – Dante


76.Swallows and Amazons – Arthur Ransome


77.Germinal – Emile Zola


78.Vanity Fair – William Makepeace Thackeray


79.Possession – AS Byatt


80.Christmas Carol – Charles Dickens*


81.Cloud Atlas – David Mitchell


82.The Color Purple – Alice Walker (ALL time favorite!!)


83.The Remains of the Day – Kazuo Ishiguro


84.Madame Bovary – Gustave Flaubert


85.A Fine Balance – Rohinton Mistry


86.Charlotte’s Web – E.B. White


87.The Five People You Meet In Heaven – Mitch Albom


88.Adventures of Sherlock Holmes – Sir Arthur Conan Doyle


89.The Faraway Tree Collection – Enid Blyton


90.Heart of Darkness – Joseph Conrad


91.The Little Prince – Antoine De Saint-Exupery


92.The Wasp Factory – Iain Banks


93.Watership Down – Richard Adams


94.A Confederacy of Dunces – John Kennedy Toole (Should have read it for Southern  lit, but wasn't a fan so it didn't get finished.)


95.A Town Like Alice – Nevil Shute


96.The Three Musketeers – Alexandre Dumas


97.Hamlet – William Shakespeare


98.Charlie and the Chocolate Factory – Roald Dahl


99.Les Miserables – Victor Hugo (Bonus points once again for reading it in French. Just saying.)


100.??? (For you observant types, yes the list does appear to be missing book no. 100)


What can I say...I'm a huge, phenomenal dork. And perhaps I read too much...what do you guys think?


How do you guys measure up?